7 THINGS THAT ACTUALLY EXIST IN THE WORLD RN
We don't have hover-boards but we do have wine for cats.
11 October 2017

There are the bare necessities, there are things of luxury, and then there are these things we never really imagined we’d need. Wine is nice, right? Why not make some for your grumpy cat? Beer is awesome, and so are vaginas. Let’s mix that sh*t up. *BRB, retching*

These things really do exist. So as our cats sip on some posh AF cat wine, take a look at this list of all the things that should have existential crises instead of you.

 

1. Pinot Meow Wine

This delicious grape drink is your best bet if you’re looking to calm your grumpy felines down. It doesn’t actually have any alcohol in it—they’re relying on catnip to do the deed. We’re not sure whether the cats—who are so consistently unimpressed with everything—will actually take a liking to this drink. But hey, it’s definitely worth a shot, if not a full glass!

 

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2. The Male Romper

Male rompers were a rage last summer. It’s basically an onesie for men, just with a zipper instead of buttons, so that they can pee without pulling the whole thing down. Convenient and very fashionable, if the look you’re going for this Halloween is an overgrown man-baby. Imagine Hrithik Roshan in a romper? Kthanxbai.

 

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3. Sologamy 

The glorified version of #ForeverAlone, Sologamy is when you finally take pride in it. It’s when you decide you’re not going to play the game—you’re just going to marry yourself. The difference? Instead of being stuck with a partner, you’ll be stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. No attachment, no fear of being cheated on, no fights on where to order takeout from—it’s the perfect relationship!

 

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4. Shit Bit

Who needs a Fitbit when you’ve got a Shitbit? What’s a Shitbit, you ask? It’s a weighing scale that you install on your toilet seat, which tells you exactly how much weight you’ve lost after every dump you take. So while your lazy ass refuses to hit the gym, this is designed to distract you from your real problems.

 

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5. YinMn Blue

YinMn blue is an inorganic blue pigment which was discovered accidentally by a professor and his student in Oregon State University in 2009. Art supplies company, Crayola has named the shade Bluetiful. As the name suggests, it’s a beautiful shade of blue, which will replace the 17-year-old Dandelion in Crayola’s crayon box.

 

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6. Vaginal Beer

Yes, you read that right. No, we’re not kidding, even though we wish we were. Someone had the bright idea of collecting vaginal lactic acid of really hot supermodels and brewing it with beer. Because, why the hell not? When else are you ever going to get a chance to taste that sweet p*ssy? FYI, the beer doesn’t smell or taste of the fluid at all, in case you were wondering.

They’re coming up with BDSM Ale soon. Go figure.

 

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7. Breast Milk Ice Cream

Craving the delicious taste of breast milk? Leave your mom alone! Presenting Breast Milk Ice Cream. Because, again, why the f*ck not? A restaurant in London is selling ice cream made out of pure breast milk—and calling it Baby Gaga. They blend the milk with lemon zest and vanilla pods, and a waitress dressed like Lady Gaga serves the dessert.

 

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On account of how absolutely ridiculous the idea is, these guys are always short of women contributing breast milk. They’re paying £15 (Rs. 1,200 approx.) for every 10 ounces, just in case you were interested.

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